Yet more funny one-liners

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.
My room is not messy; it is an obstacle course designed to keep me healthy.
When I die I want my last words to be "I left a million dollars under the…".
Don't listen to the voices in my head! They're crazy!
If Apple built a car, would it have windows?
To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.
Backups?  We don't *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx
Bug?  That's not a bug, that's a feature.
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
One picture is worth 128K words.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.
Fun-sized Snickers? Who’s this fun for? Not me. I need six or seven of these babies in a row to start having fun.
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you’re hungry again.
Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!