Friday, July 11, 2014
Little cutie
One of the single moms had her little daughter (around sixish years old) with her at work today. While I was waiting for her mom to do some paperwork I started a tossing game with the little girl with her teddy bear. I was just doing the normal kinds of things that I do with Carly. Basically just being silly. She was cracking up! I was only playing with her for a few minutes before the paperwork was ready, and then I said goodbye to mom and daughter and headed out the door and started down the hall. I didn't get very far before I heard the door behind me, and then I heard the little girl ask "Do you have to leave?" I explained that I had to go because the babysitter was waiting for me. But it about tore my heart out seeing that sad little girl looking at me so forlornly. I wish every child could have could have a good father and a good mother that love them and spend time with them!
Monday, June 30, 2014
The grocery checkout aisle: A lesson for the blind
In the checkout aisle you'll almost certainly see magazine covers doing one of two, if not both, things:
First, expounding to women the virtues of, and ways to achieve, being sexually appealing to men (e.g. how to lose weight, how to seduce men, how to have sex, etc.)
Second, relating the sad tale of famous, sexually appealing women who are going through divorce.
So, these women followed the steps, they became the "perfect" woman, they got the "perfect" man, and then their lives fell apart. This is about as clear as the evidence can get that women who do their best to become sexually appealing to men will, in the end, not have a happy home life. And the evidence is right in the checkout aisle!
Women, if you want to be happy with a man, don't try to satisfy his animal desires! Because you won't get a man, you'll get an animal!
First, expounding to women the virtues of, and ways to achieve, being sexually appealing to men (e.g. how to lose weight, how to seduce men, how to have sex, etc.)
Second, relating the sad tale of famous, sexually appealing women who are going through divorce.
So, these women followed the steps, they became the "perfect" woman, they got the "perfect" man, and then their lives fell apart. This is about as clear as the evidence can get that women who do their best to become sexually appealing to men will, in the end, not have a happy home life. And the evidence is right in the checkout aisle!
Women, if you want to be happy with a man, don't try to satisfy his animal desires! Because you won't get a man, you'll get an animal!
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Birthday Report
Well, it's official, I'm another year older... Blast! I was just getting good at remembering how old I was. It was... it was... anyway, it was easier!
Today was spent mostly doing chores. I prepared a round of fruit smoothies for breakfast, baked three batches of rolls, and prepared a large batch of granola for breakfast tomorrow. I also ran by campus to do some more paperwork, and had someone come out to look at the garbage disposal.
But the kids had fun! Here are a couple of pictures of Michael and Carolyn enjoying Minecraft on the XBox.
William was busy voluntarily cleaning his room to bump up his allowance this week a bit. :-) And later he had a blast going to cub scouts for the first time in forever. :-)
And we finished off the day with a large batch of baked chocolate pudding cake... with a lot of candles... I'm pretty sure there were too many candles. The chocolate pudding cake is really good though! :-D
Today was spent mostly doing chores. I prepared a round of fruit smoothies for breakfast, baked three batches of rolls, and prepared a large batch of granola for breakfast tomorrow. I also ran by campus to do some more paperwork, and had someone come out to look at the garbage disposal.
But the kids had fun! Here are a couple of pictures of Michael and Carolyn enjoying Minecraft on the XBox.
William was busy voluntarily cleaning his room to bump up his allowance this week a bit. :-) And later he had a blast going to cub scouts for the first time in forever. :-)
And we finished off the day with a large batch of baked chocolate pudding cake... with a lot of candles... I'm pretty sure there were too many candles. The chocolate pudding cake is really good though! :-D
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Daddy Daughter Dance
Yesterday my little princess and I went to our first daddy-daughter dance. We had a blast! Carly was especially excited! The evening started off with some light refreshments for everyone, some tiaras for the girls (a wonderful sister there put up Carly's hair and put on her tiara), and some ice-breaking activities for the couples. :-) Carly was especially fond of the watermelon and cupcakes. Though she was eager to get to the dancing. After the treats we marched around the building in pairs playing follow the leader, which was a lot of fun! The next activity was a great little game where everyone except one person sat in a circle. The person walked up to one person in the circle and asked "Who do you love?" The person asked would then respond by saying something like "red-heads", and then everyone identified would have to stand up and change seats. It was a lot of fun! Carly was really excited whenever she had the chance to jump up and run around screaming trying to find a seat! :-) A lot of the little girls there were really eager to be asked "Who do you love?", though they would often freeze up when asked. :-) So I took it upon myself to make valuable suggestions like: "How about anyone with male-pattern baldness?" (I was thinking of my dad, several uncles and friends, and our old pet dog, Rufus.)
After that very enjoyable activity the dance itself got kicked off. I had more fun at this dance than I've ever had at any other dance...ever! A large part of that had to do with the fact that, although there were quite a few cute girls there, none of them were my age, and my date really enjoyed my company! :-) Also, it was probably the first dance where I had heard every single song before the dance! (Of course, most of the songs were from disney princess movies. You should have heard all the little girls when they played the song from Frozen!) Carly and I danced to every song, in a variety of combinations of a basic two-step, a box step, and some swing. And she loved being spun around! Towards the end I was sweating so much from so much energetic dancing that I had to take my glasses off! And Carly simply loved it! She was screaming and squealing with delight the whole time! And what really made me feel good was that she was having so much fun dancing with me! In fact, when most of the girls started dancing in circles and bunny hopping around and whatnot while their dads cheered them on, Carly kept wanting to just dance with me. :-) Towards the end I was starting to get pretty winded and even offered to take her to get some ice cream if she wanted (hint, hint, leave early), and her reply each time was something to the effect of: "Yeah, that would be great! Let's do that when the dance is over!" :-)
Nevertheless, I was still sad when the dance ended. Because we had had such a great time. And, the cherry on top was when they game me a little gift basket for being the newest dad in the Ward. :-) Then we went and got some ice cream. And the entire time Carly was talking about how much fun she had had, and how much she loved dancing (this was her first dance), and how much fun the church is, and how she wanted to go to every daddy-daughter dance!
Yes, last night my prayers were filled with gratitude for the wonderful church-members who had organized, planned, prepared, and carried out my daughter's first dance! :-)
After that very enjoyable activity the dance itself got kicked off. I had more fun at this dance than I've ever had at any other dance...ever! A large part of that had to do with the fact that, although there were quite a few cute girls there, none of them were my age, and my date really enjoyed my company! :-) Also, it was probably the first dance where I had heard every single song before the dance! (Of course, most of the songs were from disney princess movies. You should have heard all the little girls when they played the song from Frozen!) Carly and I danced to every song, in a variety of combinations of a basic two-step, a box step, and some swing. And she loved being spun around! Towards the end I was sweating so much from so much energetic dancing that I had to take my glasses off! And Carly simply loved it! She was screaming and squealing with delight the whole time! And what really made me feel good was that she was having so much fun dancing with me! In fact, when most of the girls started dancing in circles and bunny hopping around and whatnot while their dads cheered them on, Carly kept wanting to just dance with me. :-) Towards the end I was starting to get pretty winded and even offered to take her to get some ice cream if she wanted (hint, hint, leave early), and her reply each time was something to the effect of: "Yeah, that would be great! Let's do that when the dance is over!" :-)
Nevertheless, I was still sad when the dance ended. Because we had had such a great time. And, the cherry on top was when they game me a little gift basket for being the newest dad in the Ward. :-) Then we went and got some ice cream. And the entire time Carly was talking about how much fun she had had, and how much she loved dancing (this was her first dance), and how much fun the church is, and how she wanted to go to every daddy-daughter dance!
Yes, last night my prayers were filled with gratitude for the wonderful church-members who had organized, planned, prepared, and carried out my daughter's first dance! :-)
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Life Overflowing with Blessings
It isn't possible for me to write out in detail all of the ways that the Lord has blessed me recently. There are just too many! I doubt that I can even remember them all. But I will do my best to make a list here to show my gratitude for all that He has given me.
An ideal job, close to my kids.
The friends that I needed to help me pull through the divorce.
The company of the Spirit.
Three beautiful, healthy kids.
Many worldly possessions, including my wonderful car and comfortable bed.
The Gospel.
Safety and security. This is particular gift has been poured out upon me so frequently recently that it could stand alone. For example, while driving the truck with all my possessions and towing my car, I was completely safe during the nine-hour drive this past Thursday. Many times during that drive I felt the prompting to merge into a different lane, and when I did so I afterwards realized that doing so had made my trip safer and/or easier by helping me avoid some difficulty. I was also prompted twice to pull over for gas when I would not normally have done so, and both times it turned out to be providential, because not doing so would have almost certainly caused me to run out of gas.
A wonderful home to rent, and a very friendly and helpful realtor to work with.
The help that I have needed during this move. Both from other people, and in the form of the energy and desire needed to get everything done, and done well, and done on time.
My family.
Inspiration. This has come in many different ways, several of which I have already listed. But perhaps the most notable was when I was planning out the dates for my trip up here. I picked Thursday for the drive and Friday for the house hunt, and I made the reservations with U-haul and with Marriott through Tuesday. Not for any particular reason other than that I felt that those were the right dates. As it turns out, Thursday was a very good day for driving, Friday I was able to schedule three house viewings, one of which is ideal, and I wasn't able to do the paperwork until Monday, which means that I would have been in a bit of a pickle if I had only slotted the hotel and truck through Saturday, as I was inclined to do.
The Lord is Great! Blessed be the name of the Lord!
An ideal job, close to my kids.
The friends that I needed to help me pull through the divorce.
The company of the Spirit.
Three beautiful, healthy kids.
Many worldly possessions, including my wonderful car and comfortable bed.
The Gospel.
Safety and security. This is particular gift has been poured out upon me so frequently recently that it could stand alone. For example, while driving the truck with all my possessions and towing my car, I was completely safe during the nine-hour drive this past Thursday. Many times during that drive I felt the prompting to merge into a different lane, and when I did so I afterwards realized that doing so had made my trip safer and/or easier by helping me avoid some difficulty. I was also prompted twice to pull over for gas when I would not normally have done so, and both times it turned out to be providential, because not doing so would have almost certainly caused me to run out of gas.
A wonderful home to rent, and a very friendly and helpful realtor to work with.
The help that I have needed during this move. Both from other people, and in the form of the energy and desire needed to get everything done, and done well, and done on time.
My family.
Inspiration. This has come in many different ways, several of which I have already listed. But perhaps the most notable was when I was planning out the dates for my trip up here. I picked Thursday for the drive and Friday for the house hunt, and I made the reservations with U-haul and with Marriott through Tuesday. Not for any particular reason other than that I felt that those were the right dates. As it turns out, Thursday was a very good day for driving, Friday I was able to schedule three house viewings, one of which is ideal, and I wasn't able to do the paperwork until Monday, which means that I would have been in a bit of a pickle if I had only slotted the hotel and truck through Saturday, as I was inclined to do.
The Lord is Great! Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Starting over
Its Spring. A time of new beginnings. A time to enjoy beautiful weather. A time to make the producers of allergy medications filthy rich. Ahhhhh.... :-)
In the spirit of new beginnings I've been having a good time making a fresh start with my personal life. I've been on a couple dates in the past few weeks. I've gone to a gathering of friends to watch a session of General Conference. And this past Monday I went to my first Single Adults' activity. We had a lesson and played volleyball. I'm pretty sure I fell down more than anyone else there. :-P One odd thing is that I think that I was probably one of the youngest people there. Yes, that I wasn't used to. But I did have a great time! And I even just sent a message on facebook to one of the girls that I met there asking her out on a date. I'm feeling more confident all the time with this socializing stuff. :-)
Another new beginning is the new job that I have just agreed to take! Starting this Fall (or possibly this Summer), I'll be working as an instructor of Spanish and Pedagogy at the University of Arkansas at Fort Smith! :-D I'm really excited! And once I finish my dissertation I will be automatically bumped up to the rank of Assistant Professor! :-) Yep, the Lord keeps His promises, and life is good!
Though I am still sore from the volleyball.
Friday, May 9, 2014
A long day at the airport
I was scheduled to fly out to Ft. Smith yesterday, Thursday, for a campus visit today, Friday. Unfortunately I had a scheduled layover in Dallas yesterday, and Dallas had some thunderstorms and the threat of tornados. So, at first they kept putting off the start of the flight, they even boarded us at one point and had us wait on the runway for quite a while. Then they deplaned us, and eventually they announced that all flights in and out of Dallas for the remainder of the day, Thursday, had been canceled. At this point I had already been at the airport for about seven hours. I now had an option, I could call and leave a message for someone with the airline to call me back to help me reschedule, and head back to my apartment to wait, or I could stand in a very, very long line for the same kind of assistance at the ticket booth. Well, I really wanted to see if I could get a flight that would arrive by noon the following day, Friday, so I decided to stick it out in the line. About three hours later I finally got through the line and had the opportunity to talk to the gentleman behind the counter, Gary. Well, unfortunately the soonest Gary could get me on my way was early Saturday. I had fortunately already discussed this possibility with the Chair at the university where I'm going to be doing the visit, so I knew that I should get something for Sunday instead so that I can do the interview on Monday. Unfortunately the only thing they had left for Sunday was for very early in the morning. I took it, of course. I'm just not looking forward to getting up at 3:30am on Sunday. But considering the situation, things went really well! I wasn't stuck in a different city, everyone (passengers and crew) stayed very friendly throughout the ordeal. I was able to reschedule with both the airline and the university with no trouble at all! Plus now I have more time to prepare for my campus visit. :-) Oh, and my laptop is still working! :-D (I had dropped it a few feet at one point and it chipped about an inch off of a corner, but everything still works great!) Yes, things didn't work out quite as I had hoped, but thanks to the blessings and guidance of the Lord (I was prompted to make the right calls every step of the way, even though I know that I personally, if left to my own devices, would have made other choices) they worked out, and really they worked out quite well considering the circumstances!
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Smiles
When I was working on my MA at UGA I remember that several times I got comments like: "You always look so happy." I remember smiling all the time!
Unfortunately, thanks to a negative experience with another university and then the dissolution of my marriage, I have noticed that I don't smile much anymore. It's even gotten to the point where I will sometimes pray just to be able to smile.
Well, the past few days I have been blessed with several great reasons to smile!
I was interviewed last week for a position as a supervisor here at UT, and I will be interviewed this coming week for a lectureship at OU! Yesterday I had a very nice time on my first date since the divorce. And today I had the opportunity to substitute in nursery! :-D I love those little kids! For the first half hour or so I even had the opportunity to carry around the youngest one because he was very tired. Feeling my arm and back get sore from carrying a little one, and having him drool on my shoulder, really helped me feel happy! And then, when his dad decided to join us and start carrying him, I had a great time with the other little ones! We played with toys and read stories, and towards the end two of them were running up to me, and throwing their arms around me and hugging me as hard as they could. I felt like a dad again! :-) I look forward to spending this summer with my kids! I miss and love them very much!
Unfortunately, thanks to a negative experience with another university and then the dissolution of my marriage, I have noticed that I don't smile much anymore. It's even gotten to the point where I will sometimes pray just to be able to smile.
Well, the past few days I have been blessed with several great reasons to smile!
I was interviewed last week for a position as a supervisor here at UT, and I will be interviewed this coming week for a lectureship at OU! Yesterday I had a very nice time on my first date since the divorce. And today I had the opportunity to substitute in nursery! :-D I love those little kids! For the first half hour or so I even had the opportunity to carry around the youngest one because he was very tired. Feeling my arm and back get sore from carrying a little one, and having him drool on my shoulder, really helped me feel happy! And then, when his dad decided to join us and start carrying him, I had a great time with the other little ones! We played with toys and read stories, and towards the end two of them were running up to me, and throwing their arms around me and hugging me as hard as they could. I felt like a dad again! :-) I look forward to spending this summer with my kids! I miss and love them very much!
Friday, May 2, 2014
A Good Day
Today was a very good day!
When I got up this morning I was blessed with some inspiration on how to teach my Sunday School class this Sunday, after I've been praying and thinking about it all week.
Later this morning I had a very nice business breakfast for about an hour and a half with a very important person in the textbook industry who is very interested in my work. (And the food was good too!)
I made good progress with my newest game today. It will be an online, multiplayer grammar review game. I always feel great satisfaction when I finally overcome one of those programming obstacles that has been driving me crazy for several hours. (A couple days ago, after about 6 hours of frustration, I finally figured out that the problem was that I had typed "<" instead of "<=", go figure.)
Speaking of my games, when I was walking into the office today, several of the other instructors stopped me to thank me for the games I have created, and they told me that when their students ask how to review, they send them the links to my games. :-) It's always good to feel like the effort that I've been making is appreciated!
The biggest bonus of today happened when I went to administer the listening portion of the final exam to my class. They gave me a round of applause...before and after the exam! They also gave me a very nice thank-you card and some delicious cookies! I have never had a class do something like that for me before. It was very nice! This class has been a lot of fun this semester, because of the great group of students that I had!
It's so nice to be blessed by the Lord!
When I got up this morning I was blessed with some inspiration on how to teach my Sunday School class this Sunday, after I've been praying and thinking about it all week.
Later this morning I had a very nice business breakfast for about an hour and a half with a very important person in the textbook industry who is very interested in my work. (And the food was good too!)
I made good progress with my newest game today. It will be an online, multiplayer grammar review game. I always feel great satisfaction when I finally overcome one of those programming obstacles that has been driving me crazy for several hours. (A couple days ago, after about 6 hours of frustration, I finally figured out that the problem was that I had typed "<" instead of "<=", go figure.)
Speaking of my games, when I was walking into the office today, several of the other instructors stopped me to thank me for the games I have created, and they told me that when their students ask how to review, they send them the links to my games. :-) It's always good to feel like the effort that I've been making is appreciated!
The biggest bonus of today happened when I went to administer the listening portion of the final exam to my class. They gave me a round of applause...before and after the exam! They also gave me a very nice thank-you card and some delicious cookies! I have never had a class do something like that for me before. It was very nice! This class has been a lot of fun this semester, because of the great group of students that I had!
It's so nice to be blessed by the Lord!
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Age of Vampires Review
Okay, I've now played Age of Vampires with all of the new civilizations. And I must say, I'm very impressed with how much work was put into making this free mod!
First things first, some general comments:
On the home menu some of the options are hard to click on, but they are all clickable.
The new music and sound effects are very cool! They definitely add to the atmosphere!
The idea of harvesting maidens and nobles for food is pretty graphic, but definitely fits the theme.
All of the new building designs are incredibly well done! Though again, a bit more graphic than standard Age of Empires II.
I love the witches' laugh!
Okay, so here are my two cents after playing each new civilization once in a standard-difficulty standard-map game:
Bathory Clan: I have just one thing to say...Dragons! And these dragons don't mess around! By far this is my favorite new group to play...because of the dragons! They also have cool, really tough, knights riding black horses with blood-red eyes, which are a lot cheaper than the dragons, but not nearly as big in the wow factor.
Dracul Clan: No dragons here, though you do get very powerful vampires. Unfortunately their animations aren't as cool as many of the others (like the dragons and werewolves), basically all they do is shoot little crossbows and turn into bats when they move. Cool, granted, but it pales in consideration with what the other two vampire groups have.
Transylvanians: Okay, so this is a group of vampire hunters. So they make farms like normal, and they don't get cool monsters. Their vampire hunters are decent, but they don't get a castle!!?!?!?!??!
Van Helsing Guild: Now these guys are serious vampire hunters! They do have castles and their elite vampire hunters have incredible range and are very powerful and fast (they're on horses). They can even take down upgraded galleons with very little trouble! Very fun to play.
Vrkolak: I'm not sure how you pronounce the name of this group, but this is definitely my second favorite group to play. The Vrkolak are the ones with the werewolves. And in my opinion the werewolves have the coolest animations/graphics. They walk around as male villagers with wolf heads, and then when they attack they turn into full-blown wolves. It's very fun to watch a group of 40 wolves tear a town (and its inhabitants) to shreds!
So, in summary, I quite enjoy this mod! I look forward to testing how balanced it is in a multiplayer environment when I get the chance.
First things first, some general comments:
On the home menu some of the options are hard to click on, but they are all clickable.
The new music and sound effects are very cool! They definitely add to the atmosphere!
The idea of harvesting maidens and nobles for food is pretty graphic, but definitely fits the theme.
All of the new building designs are incredibly well done! Though again, a bit more graphic than standard Age of Empires II.
I love the witches' laugh!
Okay, so here are my two cents after playing each new civilization once in a standard-difficulty standard-map game:
Bathory Clan: I have just one thing to say...Dragons! And these dragons don't mess around! By far this is my favorite new group to play...because of the dragons! They also have cool, really tough, knights riding black horses with blood-red eyes, which are a lot cheaper than the dragons, but not nearly as big in the wow factor.
Dracul Clan: No dragons here, though you do get very powerful vampires. Unfortunately their animations aren't as cool as many of the others (like the dragons and werewolves), basically all they do is shoot little crossbows and turn into bats when they move. Cool, granted, but it pales in consideration with what the other two vampire groups have.
Transylvanians: Okay, so this is a group of vampire hunters. So they make farms like normal, and they don't get cool monsters. Their vampire hunters are decent, but they don't get a castle!!?!?!?!??!
Van Helsing Guild: Now these guys are serious vampire hunters! They do have castles and their elite vampire hunters have incredible range and are very powerful and fast (they're on horses). They can even take down upgraded galleons with very little trouble! Very fun to play.
Vrkolak: I'm not sure how you pronounce the name of this group, but this is definitely my second favorite group to play. The Vrkolak are the ones with the werewolves. And in my opinion the werewolves have the coolest animations/graphics. They walk around as male villagers with wolf heads, and then when they attack they turn into full-blown wolves. It's very fun to watch a group of 40 wolves tear a town (and its inhabitants) to shreds!
So, in summary, I quite enjoy this mod! I look forward to testing how balanced it is in a multiplayer environment when I get the chance.
Fun with the kids
Here are a couple pictures of when I visited the kids for William's birthday. I love Carly and Michael's faces in the first one! William...
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Age of Vampires
I've been playing the good ol' classic RTS Age of Empires II again, and I remembered that my kids always get confused when I tell them that I'm playing Age of Empires and think that I'm saying Age of Vampires. Well, I decided to google Age of Vampires, and what do you know, there is a mod that allows you to play Age of Vampires! Basically this replaces the Age of Conquerors expansion and replaces the new civilizations with vampire clans! They do things like drink the blood of maidens instead of eating sheep. Hee, hee. I haven't played it yet, but I'm planning on it! You can see the mod here. The video by the creator is in German, which is also kind of fun, especially considering the vampire theme. Though I must admit I don't understand quite as much as I had hoped.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Quotes
Escalators don’t break down… they just turn into stairs
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral.
I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.
I childproofed the house… but they still get in!
It's weird… people say they're not like apes; now how do you explain football then?
What's black and white and brown and looks good on a lawyer? … a Doberman.
A camel is a horse designed by committee.
I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
I can't remember whether I tested positive for Alzheimer's.
Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.
Death to all fanatics!
never use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
It isn't an optical illusion; it just looks like one.
Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
Reality continues to ruin my life.
What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?
True friends are hard to come by...I need more money.
Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect “Hungry.”
God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.
That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral.
I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.
I childproofed the house… but they still get in!
It's weird… people say they're not like apes; now how do you explain football then?
What's black and white and brown and looks good on a lawyer? … a Doberman.
A camel is a horse designed by committee.
I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
I can't remember whether I tested positive for Alzheimer's.
Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.
Death to all fanatics!
never use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
It isn't an optical illusion; it just looks like one.
Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
Reality continues to ruin my life.
What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?
True friends are hard to come by...I need more money.
Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect “Hungry.”
God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.
That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
More Funny Quotes
Big Brother is watching you! And he's bored.
I just love animals. They taste GREAT!
PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals.
Vegetarian: Ancient Indian word for lousy hunter.
Protect your hunting rights: Spay or neuter a liberal.
Gun control means using two hands.
I am not a hunter! I'm a Wildlife Population Control Specialist!
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
The word "user" is the word used by the computer professional when they mean "idiot".
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
It always rains on tents; rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
We'll cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
Why do people lapse into insanity when they talk to me?
If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then you'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'.
The pen is mightier than the sword ... if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.
Of course I'm sane, when trees start talking to me, I don't talk back.
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.
You don't see people at their best in this job. -Death
Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little bastard will do anything rather than let go of it.
It's not blood in general I can't stand the sight of, it's just my blood in particular that is so upsetting.
Death isn't cruel – merely terribly, terribly good at his job.
The violence of the Big Bang can give a universe serious psychological problems when it gets older.
Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind!!!
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.
Time is like a drug. Too much of it kills you.
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
It is always useful to have an enemy who is prepared to die for his country, this means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.
One of the most basic rules for survival on any planet is never to upset someone wearing black leather.
Chess: If only the pawns united, maybe talked the rooks round, the whole board could be a republic in a dozen moves.
Never laugh at your wife's choices, you are one of them.
If you're wrong and you shut up you're wise. If you're right and you shut up you're married.
Whoever said nothing is impossible has obviously never tried to staple water to a tree.
'I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.
Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world, THEN I'll feel better.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
Now is NOT a good time to annoy me.
Out of Mind — Back in 5 minutes.
So much to do. So few people to do it for me.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have
Thank you for your gift of sarcasm. I will treasure it always.
That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast.
The future isn’t what it used to be
There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1. Never tell everything you know.
There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
We have only two things to worry about — either that things will never get back to normal, or that they already have.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
What could possible go wrong?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You should see the ones we don’t let out in public.
You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
Allow me to introduce myselves.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
Department of Redundancy Department
Dogs think they’re human. Cats think they’re gods.
Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today.
Don’t worry about the world ending today… It’s already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you’re in Australia -then start worrying)
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
He has delusions of adequacy.
He’s not dead, He’s electroencephalographically challenged
How can there be incompetence in the world? They don’t teach it in schools.
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with subatomic particles.
I prefer to remain anomalous.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I’m not myself today. Maybe I’m you.
I’m not shy — I’m studying my prey.
I’m really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees.
If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
If all else fails, lower your standards.
If all else fails, read the directions.
If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If we quit voting will they all go away?
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It’s a condescending thing, Dear. You wouldn’t understand.
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse
Sell a man a fish, and he's full for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you've missed out on an excellent business opportunity.
I apologize profusely for any inconvenience my murderous rampage may have caused.
I've discovered that getting pummeled by a blunt weapon can be quite painful.
I look bigger in those mirrors where things look bigger.
Come closer, I don't bite... often... usually... sometimes... actually, you might want to keep your distance.
So then she says to me: 'What big teeth you have'; I mean, what do you say to that?
I have no respect for people with small piercings. I say go full hog. Put a spear through your head.
I will CRUSH and DESTROY and... ooo... shiny...
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but I go through the ribcage!
How can I miss you if you don't go away?
Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you, they can't laugh either!
It's a sure thing! With the right bribes, anything is street legal.
Listen babe. The world is changing. Everything these days is now, now, NOW, faster faster, FASTER, me, me, ME, murder, murder, MURDER!
I'm a modern woman, independent. I still let men do nice things to me. But I stopped giving them any credit.
I am mostly vegetarian. I only eat plants. And animals that eat plants.
If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, do not be ashamed, for you have aspired to greatness.... And the moon had it coming.
Hey! You look like you've lost some weight! ... That's terrible. Have a dumpling.
Mighty is the wind, but you can still break it. Meditate on this.
It is said: To err is human... Stupid humans...
It is said: If you cannot beat them, join them. I say, if you cannot beat them, hit them. Because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
I just love animals. They taste GREAT!
PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals.
Vegetarian: Ancient Indian word for lousy hunter.
Protect your hunting rights: Spay or neuter a liberal.
Gun control means using two hands.
I am not a hunter! I'm a Wildlife Population Control Specialist!
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
The word "user" is the word used by the computer professional when they mean "idiot".
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
It always rains on tents; rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
We'll cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
Why do people lapse into insanity when they talk to me?
If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then you'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'.
The pen is mightier than the sword ... if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.
Of course I'm sane, when trees start talking to me, I don't talk back.
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.
You don't see people at their best in this job. -Death
Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little bastard will do anything rather than let go of it.
It's not blood in general I can't stand the sight of, it's just my blood in particular that is so upsetting.
Death isn't cruel – merely terribly, terribly good at his job.
The violence of the Big Bang can give a universe serious psychological problems when it gets older.
Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind!!!
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.
Time is like a drug. Too much of it kills you.
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
It is always useful to have an enemy who is prepared to die for his country, this means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.
One of the most basic rules for survival on any planet is never to upset someone wearing black leather.
Chess: If only the pawns united, maybe talked the rooks round, the whole board could be a republic in a dozen moves.
Never laugh at your wife's choices, you are one of them.
If you're wrong and you shut up you're wise. If you're right and you shut up you're married.
Whoever said nothing is impossible has obviously never tried to staple water to a tree.
'I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.
Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world, THEN I'll feel better.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
Now is NOT a good time to annoy me.
Out of Mind — Back in 5 minutes.
So much to do. So few people to do it for me.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have
Thank you for your gift of sarcasm. I will treasure it always.
That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast.
The future isn’t what it used to be
There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1. Never tell everything you know.
There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
We have only two things to worry about — either that things will never get back to normal, or that they already have.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
What could possible go wrong?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You should see the ones we don’t let out in public.
You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
Allow me to introduce myselves.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
Department of Redundancy Department
Dogs think they’re human. Cats think they’re gods.
Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today.
Don’t worry about the world ending today… It’s already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you’re in Australia -then start worrying)
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
He has delusions of adequacy.
He’s not dead, He’s electroencephalographically challenged
How can there be incompetence in the world? They don’t teach it in schools.
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with subatomic particles.
I prefer to remain anomalous.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I’m not myself today. Maybe I’m you.
I’m not shy — I’m studying my prey.
I’m really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees.
If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
If all else fails, lower your standards.
If all else fails, read the directions.
If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If we quit voting will they all go away?
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It’s a condescending thing, Dear. You wouldn’t understand.
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse
Sell a man a fish, and he's full for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you've missed out on an excellent business opportunity.
I apologize profusely for any inconvenience my murderous rampage may have caused.
I've discovered that getting pummeled by a blunt weapon can be quite painful.
I look bigger in those mirrors where things look bigger.
Come closer, I don't bite... often... usually... sometimes... actually, you might want to keep your distance.
So then she says to me: 'What big teeth you have'; I mean, what do you say to that?
I have no respect for people with small piercings. I say go full hog. Put a spear through your head.
I will CRUSH and DESTROY and... ooo... shiny...
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but I go through the ribcage!
How can I miss you if you don't go away?
Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you, they can't laugh either!
It's a sure thing! With the right bribes, anything is street legal.
Listen babe. The world is changing. Everything these days is now, now, NOW, faster faster, FASTER, me, me, ME, murder, murder, MURDER!
I'm a modern woman, independent. I still let men do nice things to me. But I stopped giving them any credit.
I am mostly vegetarian. I only eat plants. And animals that eat plants.
If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, do not be ashamed, for you have aspired to greatness.... And the moon had it coming.
Hey! You look like you've lost some weight! ... That's terrible. Have a dumpling.
Mighty is the wind, but you can still break it. Meditate on this.
It is said: To err is human... Stupid humans...
It is said: If you cannot beat them, join them. I say, if you cannot beat them, hit them. Because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
A Unique Week
I had several firsts this week, which is always kind of fun. Well, depending on the firsts I guess.
The one that comes most readily to mind is getting a negative score on Ticket to Ride. That's right, check out the screenshot!
That was a fun game! And not just because I got a score of -274, but also because I really annoyed Jessica and Sarah while doing it! :-)
Something else that wasn't really a first, and didn't actually happen this week, was that I sang in the Stake Choir for Stake Conference last week. There was a very nice Spirit there, and the talks were excellent. And I had a great seat!
On a somewhat more somber note, this week was the first time I helped dress a deceased brother for a funeral. I hadn't known the brother who we were dressing personally, but he had been a friend for 30+ years of another one of the brethren there, so it was a very touching process. I actually felt really privileged to be there performing that last service for him. I'm glad I did it.
I've been thinking about starting to go to single adult activities, and maybe even dating again. But I admit its not for the right reasons. There is a single sister in our Ward who I think may be interested in me, but I am not the slightest bit interested in her. So I was thinking that if I brought a girlfriend to church she might look elsewhere. I don't even really think that its me she's interested in, I think she just wants to get married again.
A little over a week ago I also gave my first multiplayer online game a trial run in my class. Basically each player moves around the board and clicks on any question they want. Each question is worth ten points and as soon as a question is answered correctly it disappears. Man, my students were going nuts! At one point I even reminded them that it was just a game, that it wasn't serious. To which one of my students responded: "You've made it serious."
I guess I could explain that a little better. I break each semester into four quarters. During each quarter I assign students to be in specific groups. The groups can earn points by volunteering, speaking in Spanish, getting good grades, doing their homework, etc., and they can lose points by being absent or for inappropriate behavior (such as swearing or sexual innuendo). Anyway, at the end of each quarter every member of the group with the highest score gets a treat of their choice. Usually its Oreos, Kit Kats, donuts, or something similar.
There are of course some students who don't get into it. But there are a lot more students who really get into it! And so when I told the class that the amount of points that they earned in this review game would be added to their group's score, well, let's just say I think that it added to their enthusiasm. ;-)
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Stake Conference
This morning I had the wonderful opportunity to go to Stake Conference. The Spirit was strong and the talks were excellent! I felt particularly inspired to start working on family history. I've felt this many times before, but I've always tried to ignore it, knowing that I would need to give up some of my cherished leisure activities. But this time I don't feel my customary reluctance.
I was also in the Stake choir for conference today, and that added to the Spirit of the thing. I was praying fervently that I would be able to help bring the Spirit into the meeting. And I don't know how much of a difference I made for everyone else, but I definitely felt strengthened and uplifted myself. And I felt that Heavenly Father had accepted my effort and desire to help out in my little way.
I also felt inspired that I should start being more of a spiritual role-model for my kids. I'm not sure how yet, but I will thinking and praying about it.
I was also in the Stake choir for conference today, and that added to the Spirit of the thing. I was praying fervently that I would be able to help bring the Spirit into the meeting. And I don't know how much of a difference I made for everyone else, but I definitely felt strengthened and uplifted myself. And I felt that Heavenly Father had accepted my effort and desire to help out in my little way.
I also felt inspired that I should start being more of a spiritual role-model for my kids. I'm not sure how yet, but I will thinking and praying about it.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
You guessed it
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the Zoo.
The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.
You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.
Stressed is desserts spelled backwards.
Do not read the next sentence! You rebel, I like you.
When nothing goes right, go left.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
If you don't do a lot of stupid things when you're young, you won't have many funny things to talk about when you're old.
Enjoy life! There's plenty of time to be dead.
If you don't live for something you'll die for nothing.
If you watch Godzilla backwards its about a giant lizard who helps rebuild a half burnt down city then moonwalks into the ocean.
Take my advice, I'm not using it.
People think I'm crazy. But I think of myself as normal with a twist of awesome.
Moms! They're like Dads, only smarter!
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
Also, check out these funny LOtR images. Okay, not all of the are funny, but the Uruk Hai one definitely made me think of Sarah! :-)
Monday, February 24, 2014
Funny quotes
Well, it's time to teach the neighbors what good music is.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. - Elvis Presely
I want to do a musical movie. Like Evita, but with good music. - Elton John
When I was kidnapped my parents sprang into action: they put my room up for rent.
I think that animal testing is horrible. They get nervous and make mistakes.
Men are like bank accounts. If they don't have a ton of money they don't generate any interst.
I told my doctor that my leg had broken in two places and he told me to avoid those places.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion. But yours is just stupid.
Always forgive your enemies. There's nothing they hate more.
The only normal people are the ones you don't know well.
Women are like your shadow: if you run they follow, if you follow they run.
My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go she goes shopping.
If a little bird tells you that you're crazy, you must be, because birds don't talk.
"You're the only woman for me!" - Adam
I once read that playing video games is bad, so I decided to stop reading.
The bad thing about being on time is that there is no one there to appreciate it.
Don't get mad…get revenge!
If you see that everyone is against you, don't give up! Kill them all!
Act, and you shall have dinner; wait, and you shall be dinner. - Klingon Proverb
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Yet more funny one-liners
Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.
My room is not messy; it is an obstacle course designed to keep me healthy.
When I die I want my last words to be "I left a million dollars under the…".
Don't listen to the voices in my head! They're crazy!
If Apple built a car, would it have windows?
To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.
Backups? We don't *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx
Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
One picture is worth 128K words.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.
Fun-sized Snickers? Who’s this fun for? Not me. I need six or seven of these babies in a row to start having fun.
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you’re hungry again.
Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!
My room is not messy; it is an obstacle course designed to keep me healthy.
When I die I want my last words to be "I left a million dollars under the…".
Don't listen to the voices in my head! They're crazy!
If Apple built a car, would it have windows?
To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.
Backups? We don't *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx
Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
One picture is worth 128K words.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.
Fun-sized Snickers? Who’s this fun for? Not me. I need six or seven of these babies in a row to start having fun.
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you’re hungry again.
Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!
Monday, January 27, 2014
More funny quotes
I've come across these quotes while surfing the web for t-shirt design ideas (the last two are my favorites from this batch):
Beware of advice.
Writer's Block: When even your imaginary friends won't talk to you.
Always, always, always avoid redundancy.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't.
People who think they know everything are anoying to those of us who do.
I hate chores. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
Hard work fascinates me. I can sit back and watch it for hours.
Daddy works to make money to buy me toys.
I'm trying to be nice. But it's not working.
Another day has passed and I didn't use algebra once.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education. -Albert Einstein
Math: If it seems easy, you're doing it wrong.
I'm a gamer, like my father before me.
Once upon a time, there were things more important than video games.
Video Games: Improving Hand Eye Coordination since 1971
This shirt is only blue when orcs are nearby.
There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
Work is for people who don't know how to play video games.
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
As a woman my wife doesn't always know exactly what she wants, but she knows she's going to be mad as hell if she doesn't get it.
Every warning label has an awesome backstory.
I'm running out of unproductive things to do at work.
Ever notice that the roof of your car is the worst cup holder ever?
How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words?
There's a lot to be said for being a man of few words.
NASA would be a lot more popular if once in a while they'd fight some Klingons.
My older sister is tired of me calling her the beta release.
I see these moms who can do everything and I think… I should have them do some stuff for me.
Good morning. I see the assassins have failed.
My life has been a "rags to slightly better rags" story.
Friday, January 10, 2014
The New Year
This week has been quite eventful.
On Tuesday I started taking Tae Kwon Do classes! :-D I've only been to two classes so far, but I really enjoy them! I get a *great* workout and the people there are very friendly. It's not going to be easy, there is a lot to memorize and learn, but I'm having fun with it, and I can tell that it is helping me feel better and more energetic as well.
After Tae Kwon Do on Thursday I went to San Antonio to do an endowment session. It was really nice to be back in the Temple! I don't remember exactly how long it has been since the last time I went. Several months I would guess. Anyway, it was really nice to feel the peace and joy and love in the Temple! After going to the Temple I swung by to say 'hi' to Grandma and Grandpa. Grandpa looks 100% better than the last time I saw him! His doctor says that his own immune system is strong enough now to kill off the cancer at the rate that it is being produced, so he's been off chemo for quite a while now! He was up and around and very chatty about cars and whatnot. It was good to see him like that again! Grandma has a mild illness so she was in bed, but I still go to talk to her for quite a while as well. She was especially curious about the kids, especially now that the divorce is final. I also got to meet and talk with Michael, which was also a lot of fun. It was really funny to listen to Grandpa and Michael go on and on about cars! Comparing Model A's and Model T's and Prius' and a lot in between. :-)
Today I got another request for a job interview! This time with OU!! It's not for a tenure-track position, but it would put me very close to the kids! I'll have the interview next Saturday. I doubt very much that it is a coincidence that the thing most on my mind in the Temple yesterday was that I wanted a good job close to the kids and that today I got this interview request. This may not be the job I wind up taking, but I know that it was a way for the Lord to reassure me that He had heard my prayer and is looking out for my kids.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Christmas Report
This has been an unusually busy Christmas season for me this year. Happily, most of the things that kept me busy were good things. :-)
Originally a bunch of us were going to gather in Boerne to spend Christmas with the Grandparents. But at the last minute it was decided that the logistics of having everyone there, especially with Grandpa being in such delicate health, were just going to be too much. So we all changed plans to have Christmas in Salt Lake City instead. The original plan also called for me picking up the kids the weekend that they got out of school for the holidays, but that plan also had to change. About a week before the kids got out of school one of Debbie's eyes suddenly swelled up to the size of a golf ball. She was rushed in to the hospital, where it was determined that she had a cyst behind her eyeball. She needed to go in for a very dangerous emergency surgery to remove the cyst, because it was very possible that the infection would spread to her brain. For a few days it looked very likely that we might lose her. As soon as all of this started up I packed up and headed up to Broken Arrow. I kept the kids in a hotel so that Debbie could recover in peace and quiet and without germs. I was again amazed with the concern of the Lord in this matter. Before I even knew any of this was going to happen, I randomly felt inspired to clean up my entire apartment (like I normally do for a trip) and then to take a nap. Thanks to these preparations that I made that morning, I was able to quickly pack up and leave that afternoon when I found out about what was going on.
Happily, Debbie's surgery went well, and she is now pretty much back to normal. While the kids were in school that last week I was also able to help out a little in getting the house ready for Jenny and the kids to move in. Okay, all I really did was set up the playscape that I had built for the kids a few years ago in Leander, but still, it felt good to be helping in a small way. And while working on it I was able to spend a nice morning with Bill, which is always fun.
Oddly, I didn't get much done on my dissertation during the rest of the free time that I had. But I did make a little progress. However, since the kids got out of school at the end of that week I haven't gotten any more work done on it. I plan to get to back to work tomorrow.
The day before we left Broken Arrow for Salt Lake City the kids had their Christmas with the Steens. I don't remember what all they got, but I do remember that they were all very, very excited and happy with what they got! Jenny was gracious enough to invite me, to my surprise, so I was able to see the kids open their presents and jump around and play with their new toys. It was very nice to be there!
The next day we left for Albuquerque. A bit of a drive. But happily between the kids' new Kindles, LeapPad, and DS they were very well behaved pretty much the whole way there! The next day we made the drive to Salt Lake City, and again the kids were very, very well behaved.
Christmas in Salt Lake City was amazing! Jessica, Emma, Anna and Connie all live there anyway, and then I showed up with my kids and Sarah flew in, so we had a very nice group! The cousins had a blast making lots and lots of noise the whole week+ that we were there, and us adults had a blast talking, eating and playing lots of board games! And we all had a blast going to the local amusement center Trafalga! By far the most fun I had there was with the Laser Tag and Rock Climbing! Actually, everyone really seemed to enjoy the Laser Tag! Even little Carly, only 5 years old, was very excited whenever we went in there! After the safety video she would run to our section in the armory, and then stand there patiently waiting for me saying: "Dad, put it [the vest] on really tight!" Then I would tell her what her ID was for that match, and off she would go! She was so adorable! I remember enjoying all of the Laser Tag battles, but the only specifics I really remember are from the last two battles, in which we finally challenged the teams who had holled themselves up in the tower. That didn't make us very popular, but it did make for very high scores! One time we even teamed up with a second (enemy) team to take on those on the tower. That really got their goat!
I've never done a real climbing wall before, so I was a little worried that I would make a fool of myself, but eventually I got up the nerve to give it a go. It's something I've always wanted to do. It was a lot of fun! I'm glad that I did it! I did have a little mishap coming down the first time. When I let go of the holds to start coming down I was surprised by how fast I started coming down. Instead of bouncing off the wall with my feet like I was supposed to, I tried to slow myself down with my hands. Bad idea. My wedding ring got caught on one of the holds. At first I was worried that my finger was broken or otherwise severely damaged because it hurt pretty bad (it still hurts a little), and it had gone dead white, but luckily it seems to be fine. I could still move it right away without any difficulty, so I pulled off my wedding ring (in case there was going to be any swelling) and climbed the wall again (this time using my feet on the descent).
I have not put my wedding ring back on. My finger still hurt and did swell and bruise for several days, so I didn't want to put it on while I was still in Salt Lake City. Then, on the drive back to Albuquerque at the end of the trip, I got a text from Jenny informing me that the divorce had been officially finalized.
Jenny picked up the kids the day after we got back to Austin.
You would think that this blog entry would end here, but it doesn't.
That afternoon I discovered that when I washed the dishes, sewage backed up in the bathtub. Not exactly ideal. I tried to remedy the situation myself with drain de-clogger and a plunger, but to no avail. Also at that point I found out that the toilet was in on it too. So I placed a work order, and happily the maintenance guy was able to take care of it the next day (I didn't put in the maintenance request until after business hours the preceding day, so you couldn't really expect them to get there any faster than they did.) They are very good about doing the maintenance in a very timely manner here, so that is really nice.
Two more things that I haven't mentioned yet that bear mentioning are that during this trip the boys, Brandon, and even Cassidy, and myself, played a LOT of Minecraft! Heck, Cassidy, who had never even played the game before, liked it so much that he even went out and got his own copy! It was especially fun to play it on the Oliveira's XBox 360, because four of us could play at the same time! The other final note was that one thing that I did forget to bring with me on the trip when I was hurrying up to Broken Arrow a week early was my anti-depressants. Happily, things went so well and we were all having such a good time together, that I don't think that it mattered too much. When I got back though I definitely noticed the difference! The past few days I've had a hard time getting myself to do anything other than watch tv and play Minecraft and Angry Birds. I do feel much better this morning, and I think that I can just attribute that to being back on my medication, having working plumbing, fasting yesterday, and getting ready for Church this morning. I'm also looking forward to church in a few hours.
You know, things don't always go your way, but life is still good!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)